I feel lost...

I dont know what am i up to. I feel happy n excited when t think this guy is fine. and my friend have help me get his email and number. Now i feel so lost... as i think that he will that i am ugly and baba.... i saw him smoking, i know that very clearly that he is open minded and welcome among gers and will go pub. i really hate myself sometime, i have told myself not to like anyone anymore, coz is so gu.... nw i really hate hate hate myself, wish the clock can turn back, and everything back to normal. I scare of adding him, as we see each other eveyday. In another way, what i scare of, just adding as a friend.... after that still dun noe. My stupid mind...just think another way, i shld stop this at the correct time. I will not add him, as place him in some part of my heart that enough. I scare of pple laughing, that i want to know him is surely feel something for him. All the pple in his grp will know and oh gose..... fan fan fan arz. I tell myself tml wake up, forget everything. Not fan... and just act as nthing happen.